When you announce to your friends, family and social media that you are getting divorced, you will get a wide range of responses. Some people, particularly those who know you best and others who have been through divorce themselves, are likely to be understanding and know just what to say and do to help you through the tougher days.
Unfortunately, you will also probably get your share of thoughtless and insensitive comments and questions. Some people don’t know how to discuss sensitive topics like divorce. They mean well but say something that irritates you or makes you wonder if they care about your feelings.
Here are five of the most common rude questions and comments people say to a divorcing person, according to the Huffington Post:
- You’ll mess up your kids. While it’s true that their parents getting divorced is tough on children, but being raised by parents in an unhappy, dysfunctional or abusive marriage is worse.
- Just suck it up. Some people have the attitude that any marriage can be fixed if the spouses try hard enough and that divorce is a sign of defeat. Of course, this implies that you have not already made an effort to solve the problems that led to the split and that divorce is not a viable option.
- Finally! I never liked your ex. They probably have good intentions, but remarks like this could backfire if you and your ex reconcile. Even if you don’t, you could have some remaining affection for them, so someone telling you they think your ex is a loser or jerk is not helpful.
- Whose fault was it? Besides being incredibly nosy, this question is too simplistic. Most of the time, divorce happens because of issues on both sides and neither side is 100 percent to blame.
- Who will get the house/kids/etc? This is an insensitive and intrusive question to ask.
You cannot control if someone will ask you something rude about your divorce. But with the right support team around you — family, friends, a divorce attorney, possibly a therapist — you can get through the process as smoothly and quickly as possible.